Blindsided by My Brain Stem
admin April 23rd, 2009
I have to apologize for not having posted anything for a month and a half. My life suddenly became chaotic last month when I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Unfortunately it left me with little time or mental space to do much on the Christian Simple Living web site or blog.
But as a result of this experience I’m learning a lot about myself, about being a Christian, and living simply, or if not learning, at least asking a lot of questions.
My reaction to the diagnosis was instantaneous and strong, to the point that it nearly wiped-out many of my conscious decisions about caring for others and living simply. My ego completely took over my emotional life and my decision making which, in itself was very upsetting after having spent so many years cultivating a different way of living. I’m told by diabetes specialists that this is ‘normal’ for the newly diagnosed, but it didn’t feel normal to me since it was destroying my ability to live simply and in a caring way.
As I met with doctors, educators, and nutritionists to devise a treatment plan, my ego did not care one wit about others but focused only on the things I would be losing in this ordeal. I was frustrated and angry, feeling betrayed because I had spent years living well – exercising regularly, eating a low-fat vegetarian diet, seeing doctors regularly, (and giving up a lot in order to do it all) and still got slammed with this disease – which means giving up still more things I love. It made me feel like my life was over, and I was bitter.
But through it all I learned something important: exactly how powerful our egos can be and how difficult they can make trying to live a caring, simple life. And if our egos can make it tough for some of the most dedicated of us, then imagine how hard it is for the not-so-dedicated folks out there, to make the decision to start caring about others and caring about how they live, then living more simply for the rest of their lives.
Our primitive brain stem functions have something to do with the structure of our egos – it reacts nearly autonomically to keep us alive and feeling safe, but in a non-thinking way, so anything that happens to, or around us is going to generate a defensive reaction if it is at all threatening. But I naively thought that we had, over the millennia, gained much more ability to over-ride those primitive defensive reactions through education, training, practice, desire, support, etc., than we, or I, actually have. No such thing!
My reaction to this diagnosis went like this: “I’m going to eat any bloody thing I want, dammit!” (not caring about the damage it would do to me in the long run,) “Those cretins,” (doctors, nurses, and diabetes educators,) “can’t order me around!” (not caring about the good work they did or the care with which they gave it,) “I don’t care if I die from it, I’m going to live the way I want to!” (not caring about my family or myself, and…) “I’m mad as hell and I don’t care who knows it!” (not caring about anyone in the general vicinity.)
I knew this was ‘trash talk’ all the while I was saying these things, but the brain stem part of my ego pushed right past that feeble thought, to demand that I be treated right no matter what.
I have been totally blown away by the power and persistence of my primitive ego to trash nearly every caring or constructive motive I’ve ever had – all in the service of my defensive ego!
I was told that this is a common reaction, so I’m led to have much more respect for the task ahead of us as simple livers in spreading our philosophy to the wider world. The world’s collective brain stems and primitive ego responses are largely not going to permit a large number of people to begin simple living after having lived a self-indulgent Western life style: “I’m not giving up a damn thing!” is what we can expect to hear from a majority of people, speaking from their brain stems, and they’re not likely to change much… unless forced. The current recession-depression has nudged many people in our direction, but that’s the result of force, and a good bit of it is probably lip service, and temporary at that.
In the end, I didn’t really have a choice other than to adjust my life to deal with the disease, that is if I wanted to live a healthy life rather than suffering a very slow, unpleasant decline towards death. I was essentially forced to deal with it, like it or not.
Similarly, the majority of the population isn’t going to substantially shift to simple living unless they are faced with an offer they “can’t refuse,” i.e., force, such as water, food, fuel, and housing shortages so severe that it becomes too expensive for them to afford enough of these items for a comfortable life; an atmosphere and water that are too polluted or too hot or too cold, to actually live decently; or a social breakdown that becomes an immediate threat to their lives. The environment and society as a whole, will have to present most folks with the choice of “change or die!” before a significant number chose to live simply and sustainably.
So are we to give up trying to convince others to join us since the task is difficult? Are we all eventually going to cave-in to our own primitive egos? Is mankind salvageable?
More on these things over the next few weeks.