A Different Kind of Christmas
admin November 24th, 2009
When we begin to think about Christmas, some of our first thoughts are about joy, family, gifts, and all-around good times. But then come thoughts about the anxiety and stress it causes. The American Psychological Association published a study in 2008 that found that 80% of people in the study expected a stressful holiday season.
Such a shame for a celebration of someone who came to get rid of that kind of stress!
Of course, not surprisingly, the stress is caused primarily by the expectations of our consumer culture for excessive gift giving, partying, and our personal expectations for a ‘perfect Christmas’ as perhaps defined by Currier and Ives. Mental Health America, http://www.nmha.org/, suggests that finances are the primary cause of this anxiety followed closely by bad memories of Christmases past, too many holiday activities, overindulgence (I’m shocked), and loneliness.
It would be easy for us to rant about the commercialization of Christmas as I have many times in the past, but really, if we are serious practicing Christians, that should be of little consequence to us except to feel sorry for those caught up in the craziness.
As Christians we don’t have to do it that way because we know better. We can celebrate in a much more meaningful way that brings depth to our faith, joy to our families and friends, and a great deal less stress and debt.
Instead we can happily focus on making our own celebrations real “Jesus birthday” celebrations, getting rid of the stress and anxiety of the whole thing – and we don’t have to worry about consumers and their enablers.
But getting there takes some effort and doesn’t come instantly. My experience is that it takes a number of Christmas seasons to gradually work our way into a more reasonable, happier birthday celebration. I know of few people who managed a big change all in one year, so RELAX, take it a step at a time starting with a few small steps, and add a few more steps each year.
Another key principle is do not ADD simplicity practices to what you are already doing – that will only make things worse. Instead, get rid of one or two practices that make you crazy during the holidays and REPLACE them with one or two of the ideas below.
Some folks think we’re being Grinch’s to talk about giving up things at Christmas, but in fact changing just a few crazy-making practices can make for a much more joyful and meaningful Christmas that will be remembered for a long time – because it is more personal and loving.
And the “giving up” can be wonderful in and of itself.
Picture this: less, or no driving in heavy traffic, no careening through crowded stores or waiting in long lines when you’re short of time, no stressing-out over which thing will be the “perfect gift”, no longer traveling to too many places, and no horrendous credit card bills in January… aaaaaaah!
AND the best thing is that the result of all this “giving up” is getting to have more time with family and friends. Time to give them what they really want – you – and your love and caring. It gives you time to actually savor the meaning of Christ’s birthday and his life, and what a difference it has made in your life.
A wonderful way to begin this holiday change process, if you don’t do it already, is to start a daily meditation and prayer practice. Take the time no matter how busy you are. A serious, regular practice can help you focus on what’s really important in your life and in the lives of those you love. It can help screen out the craziness we are heir to during the holidays and let us slow down and deeply appreciate what the holiday (the word comes from ‘holy day’) has done for us. I’ll get another post out in a day or two on some ways to approach this.
Basic Jesus Birthday Principles
1. Shifting from gifting to giving
The “Whose Birthday is it Anyway?” project on the Alternatives for Simple Living web site, http://www.simpleliving.org/, makes the excellent point that if we are actually celebrating Jesus’ birthday, then we should be giving him what he asked for or what we think he would really want. Remembering “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” we should be giving the presents to those who need it most – families of people who are out of work, those who may be losing their homes, those in need of support during the war, people in institutions, and people around the world living in poverty or suffering injustice, instead of giving so much to people who don’t really need our gifts and sometimes don’t even want them.
We often buy pricey gifts for people we don’t see often or don’t know well out of duty, tradition, or guilt and end up giving them things they don’t want or need, when our good wishes, love, and our presence is what they want most. This wastes money and goods that folks in real need could use well.
Sometimes we ‘overbuy’ gifts in order to impress friends and family or assuage our guilt. This can set up a competitive game that goes on for years and even generations through which we all lose in the end. Especially with kids. I’ve often seen two and four year-olds completely overwhelmed by a pile of gifts resulting from an orgy of keeping up with, or better yet, ahead of the Jones’. Who can give a child the bigger, better gift so the giver can win the envy sweepstakes. This is destructive for the kids and for our own souls.
A thought: plan to give your kids just three gifts – the number that Jesus got – and hide them so the kids have fun finding them. Then explain the meaning of the three gifts.
Carefully review your giving list so you have a very good idea of each person really needs or deeply desires even if it turns out to be an unconventional gift.
We can give ourselves by providing services and our time instead of a sweater that a person might never wear: if you are an accountant, prepare someone’s taxes; give a summer’s worth of lawn mowing to grandparents or other elders; if you’re handy with hair and makeup, give a facial and hair-do; do some painting and wallpapering; a gift of weekly story reading to a child, etc.
With the money we save in buying fewer and less expensive gifts we have the ideal opportunity to give to those who have the greatest needs. Many families now give to charities in the name of their family members as gifts and give a card explaining the gift to the family member.
The best way to do this is to carefully research potential charities for their needs and make those donations first before you begin your conventional shopping.
2. Preventive Shopping
Nip your automatic over-shopping urge in the bud at the very beginning of the season so that you don’t over-buy, over-spend, and over-give while on “shopping auto-pilot.” We can all do this by practicing “Preventive Shopping.”
Over the Thanksgiving holiday make a preventive shopping plan with the whole family so that everyone knows and agrees to the new ground rules and why they are important. Decide how you want to change your gift-giving and celebrating this year, and be sure to include the kids so they can learn that Christmas isn’t about the getting, it’s about the giving. Your plan should include a gift giving budget that includes conventional gifts as well as donations, crafts, and your time BEFORE ever going out to the mall.
This holiday planning is also a great time to introduce your kids to the actual story of St. Nicholas, the Bishop of Myra as the origins of Santa Claus. They will gain a whole new, life-long perspective on giving rather than getting. Take a look at the St. Nicholas Center web site http://www.stnicholascenter.org which has a lot of games and activities to help kids learn about St. Nick and the real meaning of Christmas – the younger the better.
Practice “targeted shopping” instead of grazing at the mall. After making your holiday plan and preparing a gift list, determine which stores have those specific items, then go only to those stores and buy only those items: no impulse buying (“Oh, wouldn’t that be great for Terry? I never would have thought of that!”)
Avoid the globalized big box stores despite their heavy advertising for extremely low cost items.
Money isn’t the issue in our new approach to Christmas!
Instead buy from local stores, crafts people, and service personnel whenever possible. This limits your contact with dangerous shopping areas like Walmart, Target, Toys R Us, etc. which will limit unnecessary impulse buying (leaving more of your cash for donations to those who will really need and appreciate it) and helping to build-up your local community and neighbors.
Hint: in general, buying gift cards is not a good idea. A very large percentage of the money in these cards goes unused and wasted – money that could have been used in a much better way. AND bank-branded gift cards are notorious for their high fees and expiration dates which make many of them an even worse deal.
3. The Quality of our Gifts
When giving gifts we should be very conscious of the earth and social and economic justice issues world-wide:
What is your gift made of? Non-renewable resources or those through the manufacture of which much pollution was generated? Are they made from natural or renewable materials or do they help you live a greener life?
Try giving a do-it-yourself gift box of natural household and personal cleaners, perfumes, soaps, etc. to introduce someone to a new world of more responsible day-to-day living?
Is the gift a fair trade item? Does the manufacturer or retailer support unjust manufacturing, management, or other social and economic practices?
Give a different kind of gift to lift someone’s spirits or quality of life – a course or workshop on meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, or a weekend retreat.
Are the children’s gifts non-violent?
Have a joyful and stress-free Christmas.